1. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your browser history if you die.
4. Was learning cursive writing at school really necessary?
5. Google Maps really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
6. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
7. Bad decisions make great stories.
8. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
9. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 15-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
10. Clicking ‘Yes’ to “I agree to the software terms and conditions” is the biggest lie ever told.
11. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
12. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
13. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
15. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
16. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
21. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket but I’d bet the farm that everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Disclaimer: I received these and a few more maxims in an email from a colleague. For some reason, these 22 seem relevant. They are either funny and/or sad depending on how you look at them.
[Post: 136 of 365] [Days Missed: 50]
I am on a blog-a-day-for-a-year crusade. Keep me motivated with your comments. Or tell me if its really necessary to look people in the eye all the time.