Stop Wishing For Diwali In Facebook. Thanks.

Social Networks are flooded with Diwali wishes. Even people in India are posting Happy Diwali status updates. You guys already live where the festival is celebrated. Just yell. People will hear you.

What do you do for Diwali when you are in a foreign country where only a tiny fraction knows about it?

From what I can infer from the  2.7 billion (approx) Diwali related Facebook statuses, people are going to have or having a blast. No pun intended.

The best thing about Diwali, at least for me, has always been crackers. Bright and deafeningly loud crackers. From the lone wolf Bijilis to endless 1000 walas, crackers stand as the true and defining factor that makes Diwali an awesome festival. You should be having a hell of a time with those this very moment, right?

Of course you must be having sweets. Everybody has sweets on Diwali. Grand parents usually give out cash as gifts, and relatives bring sweets. Not the semi-north Indian imports, but real south Indian flavored sweets like, Ladoo, Kesari, Payasam and Jangiri. I still remember wiping off the purified butter from a freshly made Jangiri. mmmm, so delicious. Your taste buds must be in heaven now, right?

Friends, yeah. Can’t forget them. Once the morning batch of crackers have been expended and stomach full of heavenly breakfast has been swallowed, the next stop is always friends’ place. Although the main purpose of visiting friends’ place is to officially inspect and tally up their stock pile of ammunition, there is a side mission which is, once again, sweets. They most likely have the same type of sweets that every body had in their own homes just a few minutes ago, but that doesn’t mean that they are going taste any less sublime.

By now its mid afternoon and there is only one thing that can make this day even better. Cricket. Pack a few gangly looking boys in a tight space, throw in a bat, ball and a cylinder which acts as a make shift stump set. Either that or three red lines scribed on a wall using what is left of a disintegrating brick.  Many a feat of great batting prowess have been exhibited in these grand venues. Of course no body did any book-keeping, but we all knew the number of ball we bowled in each over. Can’t seem to remember paying for those broken windows though.

I am assuming that you are doing all of these today.

Next, tea. Not the gay British type, this one much more colorful and fully flavored. Every one gets home, right on time for the fresh brew. A plate full of, you guessed it, sweets and a glass full of tea and a center seat in front of the TV. Every channel plays a constant stream of advertisements, briefly interrupted with bits of some newly released movie. Although the choice of movies seem to be overwhelming, its easy to navigate if you clearly understand the preference hierarchy.

Following is the official-ish preference list for selecting a movie. Listed in decreasing order of preference.
1. Any movie with Rajinikanth
2. Recently released Kamalhassan movie
3. Well reviewed Vikram movie
4. Any comedy movie
5. National Geographic Channel
6. SS Music
7. WWE
8. Any movie by someone other than Vijay/Ajith, not including the ones from 1,2 and 3.
9. ‘No Signal’ screen on TV
10. Any movie with Vijay/Ajith

Make sure you stick to this order today as well. it represents years of tradition, heritage and common sense of our people.

By now, the day, as it always does, turns out to be one of the most awesome days of the year. All that is left is to slowly eat a satisfying dinner to heart’s content and then drift off to peaceful sleep, where the celebration continues in one’s dreams.

You are experiencing all of these things right?

No? Really? You are not enjoying any of those above mentioned fun stuff ?

Then why they hell are you posting stupid Diwali wishes on Facebook?

Want to wish someone so badly? Make a fucking phone call !!

I feel better now. Happy Diwali everyone.

[Post: 118 of 365] [Days Missed: 47]
I am on a blog-a-day-for-a-year crusade. Keep me motivated with your comments. Or does someone know how I can get a 1000 wala?